I’ll Choose Again – From Homebound to the Fig Tree

Dear Reader,

If life is a tree, then choices are leaves. Some get plucked (circumstances), some fall with the seasons, and a few stay, shaping the tree’s story.

When I watched Homebound, the Hindi movie that missed its run at the Oscars, I wasn’t just struck by the theme of an unequal and unfair world but also by the familiar cycle of aspirations and choices that plays out differently depending on one’s position in the social hierarchy.

(Image courtesy: India Today)

The template is common — work hard, do it right, and trust the process. So, you do it and keep on doing it until the bottlenecks begin to show — often masquerading as destiny — competition, corruption, contact and a fractured system.

The protagonist’s journey in the movie resonates deeply. You begin to wonder if you missed your chance long ago, made the wrong choices and the hurt lingers. Then, of course, the gatekeepers appear, offering alternatives and subtle hints of dismissal that chip away at your grit — the only door that probably remains open after all others close.

Over time, the lack of rewards leads to a façade of contentment and you are high on mediocrity but a sort of resentment fills your innards. There’s no way to understand where one has gone wrong? Or, may be, an illusion of that understanding exists. The trap is so real that you gently push another generation into it promising to better things with your experience.

The disillusionment in Homebound gets to you not just because it reflects the larger narrative of class, caste, and privilege (which I’m not touching upon today) but also because it challenges narratives of positivity and hope in the face of failure, reminding us that hope itself can be a privilege. It highlights the complexity of aspirations and the harsh realities of choices that shape them. Privileges don’t guarantee success and the system is rigged but what choice do we really have? Sometimes none. Could choosing lack of aspirations lead to greater emotional stability? (Because while the struggle for success [iceberg analogy for example] is acknowledged, nobody talks about the cost of failure – time, effort, stress, loss of confidence). Who knows! Those are irreversible choices and we can’t understand the gains or losses until we’ve walked the path.

Wondering about the paradox of choice, I am reminded of this famous passage about a fig tree in The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. Reading it for you. (I couldn’t get an image of a fig tree, so just another one from my camera).

Inspired by the passage is an attempt at a poem about choices.

Drifting on the River

waters whisper to me

secrets of choices made/unmade.

A gentle current tugs at my raft,

reminds me of forgotten dreams.

Each bend is a story, a fork in the flow;

fragments of decisions past float by

like leaves on languid loops.

The river’s voice echoes

what-ifs/almosts. Its depths carry

the reflections of choices. And I know,

I’ll choose again—

the river will run its course.

January Nightstand Reading

January was mostly about short stories. I read two collections — Subi Taba’s Tales from the Dawn-lit Mountains and The Bare Bones Book of Humour. Find out more about them in this post on Instagram.

Here’s a reading of my poem ‘Kyu Dambh Hun Main’ that was published in Pratigyan Prakashan’s beautiful collection ‘Main – Suksham, Pyasa, Mukhauta’. If you are an admirer of Hindi poetry, you will definitely find this collection that traces a journey from without to within through poems that cut deep. Here’s the purchase link for you.

Before I close, here’s a picture of Kuhu Learns to Deal With Life at the Read and Brew Library, Pune, sent to me by dear friend and writer Rashmi Agrawal. Thank you for all the kindness in my life.

Until we meet again, stay safe and happy and do tell me how choices have played out in your life.