Dear Friends,
Today, my mind is in a conundrum, like a ticking landmine on the verge of an explosion. However, when I attempt to express myself with pen and paper, my thoughts slip into a realm of silence. Words often fall short in capturing the depth of emotions. They stumble and feign understanding, yet truthfully, they are lost. And maybe this is not at all a bad thing. Sometimes, in order to truly find something, we must first lose it. It is through loss that we learn to appreciate the value of things, be it joy, relationships, people, health, or even wealth. And most importantly, we must consider ourselves in this equation.
It takes great courage to embrace loss. To know that whatever exits/existed is gone. At least, it is no more in its tangible form. It is an idea now, a memory. But not everything is easy to comprehend as mere memory. Losing people is like having a keloid scar. It keeps growing even after the wound heals.
The Bhagwad Gita says that death is only a transition of the soul, which is beyond space and time. It is a wonderful thought to keep one motivated, as was the purpose of Krishna when he said these golden words to Arjuna. It basically calls the world real and magical in a single breath. Krishna even goes on to say that we’ve always been there, even in times we have no knowledge of. I’d say, the Bhagwad Gita is a good lesson on surviving skills. Perhaps, it gives one the courage to both cling to (embrace) and release the notion of letting go, which is ironically, an oxymoron!
And in this courage, you learn to create your own existentialism. You learn to find your own purpose or meaning. It is a tough job, considering we are constantly harassed by authorities at home and at the state levels, as also by societal norms and expectations and by the desire to stay relevant. We must learn to beat all of these. I guess, this is what loss teaches us. To find our own path because it tells us how transient and insignificant everything else is.
Did I make sense today? No? Well, right from the beginning, I warned you that my mind is a landmine. You should’ve tread carefully!
But since I don’t want to leave you disappointed, I’d love to end with the words of Mary Oliver from ‘The Summer Day’. I think it is the most befitting conclusion to this blog post. I would love to record this poem, but I’ll leave that for another day.
The Summer Day by Mary Oliver
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean–
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down–
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?
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So sorry for your loss, Sonia. You have beautifully expressed your emotions, however difficult it is to articulate. Thanks for pouring out your heart to your readers.
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I am so sorry for your loss, but your words were so beautiful. So meaningful and thought-provoking! I believe in an everlasting soul, a journey ages long, and a new world of discovery yet to come. I find such peace in that for those I’ve lost and my own mortality. Keep writing Sonia, you have many more beautiful words to share! Hugs and love are sent your way!
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Thank you, Renee. It is also the essence of the Bhagwad Gita.
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Is it serendipity that I visited your blog today and read this? Processing loss is never easy but your words eased the process a bit. Words do have the tendency to elude us when we need them the most.
Thank you, Sonia, for sharing your deep musings. I love the poem you shared. Hope one day you will record a poem in your voice for us. ❤️
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Thank you, Punam. Being able to express oneself in adversity is a blessing. I am glad I can do that.
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It sure is, Sonia. You are welcome.
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A beautiful, haunting post. Thank you for touching my soul with your words, and for delivering such a resonant description of loss. We all need encouragement to keep going, and your writing does that. Sending you much love.
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Thank you, Damyanti, for the constant support. I appreciate it so much.
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We go on because we just do. It is the coping mechanism, difficult to understand where the strength comes from. Hugs Sonia.
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We find ourselves, only when we have lost everything else. We understand joy, when we have experienced sorrow. We understand the value of that something, when we have lost it. Loved your musings, Sonia.
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I enjoyed reading your musings here, Sonia, and I love this beautiful poem you’ve shared too ❤️
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I agree that Mary Oliver’s poem is a fitting ending to your post. Loss does have much to teach us, although we’re not always willing to learn.
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Oh yes! I understand how we jump back on to the bandwagon pretty fast. That’s another kind of survival skill, I guess.
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Hugs, Sonia.
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Thanks Arva!
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Thanks for sharing this idea Anita
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Thank you for reading. Anita is a lovely name but I love Sonia as well 😀😀
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Being early stage Buddhist, I feel I can embrace the Bhagavad Goya’s ideal of death passing us on rather than nullifying our lives. Like a candle, our life lights a next one before it goes out. A next one and a next follow endlessly. Buddha learned how to snuff that process, so that we don’t persist in the world, unable to get out from the wheel of samsara. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Maybe it was a good thing that you had writer’s block, after all.
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It is an inspiring thought that helps carry on in the world. If not for yourself, for your close ones, at least. Ultimately, we all want to snuff it.
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Thank you for sharing your beautiful understanding of life and death.
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