Posted on by Sonia Dogra

An Attempt to Save My Writing?

I just woke up from my afternoon nap to read about author Perumal Murugan’s ‘Pyre’ making it to the International Booker Prize 2023 longlist. The author who declared himself ‘dead’ after he was harassed and attacked for his beliefs, ideologies and writing is being recognized at an international platform.

Earlier in the day I read Kathy Fish’s newsletter that talks about ‘courage’ and ‘how we writers must write with power and conviction’. She talks about ‘saying what we mean and meaning what we say’.

Dear reader, if you are wondering why I talk about the two in the same breath, let me clarify that I’ve been in a precarious writing space over the last one month and I think it is no coincidence that I should read about Murugan and Kathy’s newsletter on the same day!

My school and college days were marked by vehemence, a forthright, unapologetic attitude and never shying away from expressing myself even if it meant inviting sharp glances. In one of the first articles that I wrote for a weekly newspaper, I spoke honestly about the harassment I faced at the hands of an acquaintance. When the piece was published I faced everything – from ridicule to indifference to monologized lectures for being brash and outspoken.

It wasn’t a one-odd instance. More were to follow. Gradually, I began to mask my words, embellish them with metaphors or at the most stop at dropping hints or better still add a happy ending – all is well that ends well. Sometimes I wrote in third person – convenient to say, it’s not my story! Also, resigned to writing the worst parts in a journal, putting them to rest there.

It makes no sense for a writer to lose their courage, conviction and belief. What is lost in the bargain is their voice. No matter how much ink you spill on paper (I must have written close to five hundred pieces), if it doesn’t test your nerve the message is hard to come by.

As I already said, my writing has been in a rather precarious situation in the last one month. My father’s illness that has taken us by surprise makes me wonder if the things I write make any sense at all! I have characters from two of my WIPs (one un-finished) waiting in the wings to rescue them from whatever limbo they are in. I wish to apologize to them because their story doesn’t convince me at the moment. The only thing I can talk about convincingly right now is my life and the experiences therewith. Does that mean I’ve been lying through my teeth in everything that I’ve written so far? Maybe not. The emotions were probably masked, but it wasn’t a masquerade for sure. Whatever it may have been, it wasn’t also the ‘undiluted, unvarnished, uncluttered truth’ that Kathy Fish talks about.

My Twitter bio says, ‘seeking a deus ex machina for my #WIP’. The dictionary definition of a deus ex machina is an unexpected power or event or person or thing that saves a seemingly hopeless situation, especially as a contrived plot device in a play or novel.

I must confess that I’ve been feeling hollow about my WIPs for a long time. It has also made me abandon them more often than not. Do you think that truth is the ‘deus ex machina’ that can save my writing? Because, for now, everything else seems to have receded into the background.

Dear reader, you may not ‘be convinced’ about what I have written. You may have a different stance on this and I would love to hear your thoughts. Please share your words in the comment box below.

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23 Replies to “An Attempt to Save My Writing?”

  1. Hello Sonia,

    I hope your father’s health is improving. Sending you love and hugs.

    I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts recently and was looking for ways to entice my wandering mind to sit and write. Whenever I’m in this state, I seek out poetry, books and blogs to read. I’m so glad I found your voice today. It resonates. And it tells me that this is a turning. Like Liz, I believe in the wisdom of the creative process–it will guide you to your genre — to your voice and to your truth eventually.

    The ebb and flow of life, of our circumstances –after all– is the rhythm that is reflected in our writing, in our expression.

    Take care and keep the faith that this too shall pass.

    Hugs. xx

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  2. Dear Sonia, what a dear, candid, pouring out of your writers’ heart. Thank you. You are not alone. I agree with Pat, her advice is sound. Feel your inner voice and let it out, when and where to share it can sometimes be tricky, trust your judgment as you would any other decision. Sometimes life in the here and now, being there for your father in your present case is your priority, you can use your writing to support you further in this emotional time. Your WIPs and characters can wait…forever if they have to. Sending you courage across continents.

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    1. Hi Susan. Thank you so much for writing in. Our call is long due. I will be writing to you soon. I would love to talk to you about this whole metamorphosis if I may call it, that I’m beginning to feel. Especially about the whole writing process. Thank you for being there.

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  3. What a writer writes is probably only the tip of her iceberg of experience. The readers may not know how she is fighting the cold, the darkness underwater. But whatever she writes is helping and others as well. She can draw inspiration and motivation from this thought.
    As far as WIPs go, it doesn’t matter if you can’t tie it all up with a neat bow and call it a novel. Break them down into tiny stories, scenes, incidents that speak to you and they will speak to others. And who knows, one day you might find the prettiest box to fit them all in. That would then be a gift for a reader(s) somewhere in this world. 🙂

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    1. This is so beautifully put, Sudeepa. The WIP doesn’t bother me so much. At the moment, it’s not even what I want to write. But what you said about the dark underwater I would like to explore that bit and feel more liberated about my writing. Thank you for your wonderful words.

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  4. I can understand your dilemma. One tends to alter ones writing, like you said mask it in metaphors, to avoid hurting others. Not just writing i even avoid writing an unmasked comment i bloghops lest people get offended. But the real question here should be you. If you are satisfied and feel you have been honest then it should work fine. But if you have even an iota of doubt fall back to your original undiluted way. Wishing you all the best.

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  5. I can relate to it. It happens sometimes. I completed the first draft of my second book and then left it because I don’t feel that strong connection. It’s difficult to write when you don’t feel that connection. Maybe, someday, I’ll get back to it. I’m sure your WiPs will call you earnestly. Just a phase.

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  6. I would say that ‘undiluted, unvarnished, uncluttered truth’ manifests differently, depending on the genre. Along the same lines, the truth we need to express at a particular time in our lives will drive what genre of writing is best-suited for the telling.

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    1. Thank you, Liz. You always have good wisdom to share. And somehow you’ve got the right pulse. I intended to say that I’m not sure about my choice of genre. At this point of time. So just as you rightly put it, my truth will probably decide the genre.

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  7. A writer’s voice ought to be true to itself. I write poetry only and that too in the first person. It is easy to get away with writing truth in the form of verse. Though I admit I do sometimes totally avoid writing about stuff which may not sit well with others. Having strong opinions always invites criticism but conviction in self can help face it. I am sure you will be guided by your heart to do what is right by you.
    I am sorry to know about your father’s ill health. Wishing him speedy recovery.

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  8. Hi Sonia,

    The only person that can save your writing is you. Others, including myself, can only express what we think or feel but they are our personal thoughts.
    The question is whether or not you feel true to yourself in your writing?
    You need to ponder over whether you will be able to look yourself in the mirror twenty years from now and be happy about your accomplishments or be sad and depressed about what you didn’t write because you were scared to be you.

    Then ask yourself do you have the courage to stand regardless of what others think. To take the high road even if it means walking it alone.

    Once you know the answers, you will know what to do.

    Shalom shalom

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    1. Hi Pat
      I always look forward to your writing advice. Perhaps, I should be able to look back and say that I wrote more than just embellishments. Thank you for being here.

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  9. I think I missed the post although I do subscribe to her newsletter. But as someone who writes very personal posts and pieces, I can tell you that I was advised some years ago to convert an “experience” into a story and write in the third person as you’ve mentioned. In some cases, I do that, but sometimes I write the unvarnished truth. The choice is mine. I think it’s up to the writer to decide what works for them since it’s their life experiences, their story, and their wish:) Sometimes, when I write personal pieces, I face backlash in the form of irritated friends, nasty comments on my website from bots and trolls, and some post-publication embarrassment and introspection, but it’s all part of the territory of being a writer, isn’t it?

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  10. May I say, you are not alone. I read Kathy Fish’s newsletter and felt the same. Why am I thinking twice before putting them on paper. Who knows what can come off from difficult, trying situations? Perhaps, there is a voice waiting to be heard. But I think, you have already heard it – and I have read it.

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